


Camp it up!

by Lucky_Moony



Series: Domestic Bliss [3]
Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: Alfred gets to drive, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drinking Games, Drums is sick, Drums overreacts, Fishing, Fluff and Humor, Gege is being his usual self, Jealousy, M/M, Mina is secretly pregnant, My Pagets are pros at innuendos, Scary Stories, Skinny Dipping, William Paget is pretty wild, camping trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-23 11:59:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14933850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucky_Moony/pseuds/Lucky_Moony
Summary: It’s summer and our favorite couple is vacationing on a budget—after all they have a house and a wedding to pay for.George Paget, tired of staying at home with his goldfish and his parents, thinks they should do something fun for once and suggests they all go camping. Wilhelmina, Edward and William are all thrilled by the idea whereas Alfred has no other choice but to tag along.Of course, what could have been an awesome trip quickly turns to a hot mess.





	1. "Never have I ever" is never a good game to play

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lanky_Beanpole14](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanky_Beanpole14/gifts).



> This little one-shot fits between chapter 3 and 4 of For Better or for Worse.  
> I'm gifting this work to Lanky_Beanpole14. Thank you for reading my stuff!  
> Wilhelmina is 8 weeks pregnant. No one knows about it except Alfred and Drums. It is common to wait after the end of the first trimester to announce the news of a pregnancy to the family, because the risks of a miscarriage are very high until week 13. Common symptoms for the first trimester of a pregnancy are: tiredness, nausea, moodiness, always needing to pee and having weird cravings. ;)
> 
> Cow game: holler when you see a cow! Each time you call a cow, you get a point.

It was the beginning of August and the summer holidays were slowly coming to an end.

In a mere two weeks Mina and Alfred would be back at work at Worthingtons.

Alfred’s wedding planning was going smoothly. A venue had been chosen and the invitations had been sent. Mina’s pregnancy was going great. Her first medical check-up would be in two weeks and Alfred couldn’t wait to go with her. There was a good chance they would be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time during that visit—a prospect that was making them both ecstatic.

Since Alfred and Edward were vacationing on a budget this year—with a house and a wedding to pay for—George, who was still single and was tired of spending his time in the sole company of his goldfish and his parents, had come up with something that sounded like a nice idea at first:

Why not go camping together like the good old times?

Edward, who lived for the outdoors, had quickly agreed to it and so did William, another one of Alfred’s brothers.

Mina had jumped on the occasion and had said a change of air would probably do her some good, since she felt very nauseous. She was now in the 8th week of her pregnancy and was keeping the news a secret from almost everyone.

Alfred wasn’t particularly keen on sleeping on the cold, hard ground in a tent. It would no doubt be surrounded by mosquitoes and creepy crawlies, so he had thought twice about it before he finally agreed to his older brother’s plan.

In all honesty, the fact that he would see his boyfriend engage in various sportive activities while wearing camping shorts probably was the only reason he was tagging along.

Henry Paget had gladly lent one of his precious car to William, his most responsible son, who had sworn on his life that neither Alfred nor George would get close to the steering wheel. Charlotte, on the other hand, had agreed to babysit her furry granddaughter, Princess.

Barely 15 minutes after our campers had left the little puppy in her care, she had begun to send cute selfies to her son who had quickly reposted those on his Instagram account.

Our squad was in for a two hour drive to Wild Camping, a campsite located in the north of Cornwall.

William was whistling as he was driving. He pushed his gigantic goggles farther up his nose every fifteen minutes or so as he stared at the GPS.

George was sitting next to him and seemed bored as he stared out his window, while Drums, Mina, and Alfred were sitting in the back seat.

The oldest Paget took a sip of his Soda, before he looked in the rear-view mirror. His brother and his fiancé were making heart eyes at each other, while Mina seemed on the verge of throwing up.

That puzzled George a bit, since he did not think she got car sick.

“The place we are going is pretty cheap. It’s only £120 a night,” the tall brunet said as he took another sip of his Soda. “You know me, I’ve bargained to get the price down. We are bringing our own tents after all.  We got the farthest spot from the loo, but we can all just go in the woods, right?”

Mina, who was now going to the restroom every two hours or so looked at her best friend, worried.  ‘ _This is going to be a problem.’_

Said best friend stared back at her and scratched his nose, _‘I’ll walk you to it every time. Don’t mind George he’s an utter prat.’_

She cleared her throat. ‘ _He is.’_

They exchanged a smile as Edward confusingly glanced at them both. Even though he had been dating Alfred for the last 9 months, he still wasn’t fluent in non-verbal Almina.

Fifteen minutes later, George, who clearly was bored, suggested they play a game called ’cows on my side.’  

It had been fun at first but had almost ended in a fight to the death, when Alfred had been accused of cheating. He had spotted a house which had a giant plastic cow on it’s lawn and the rules weren’t clear on whether fake cows counted.

When they finally got out of the car—three hours later due to some roadworks—Mina was feeling more nauseous than ever.

George, on the other hand, was groaning and threatening his baby brother that something terrible would happen to him during his stay. Clearly unaffected by the older Paget’s threats, Alfred looked smug and kept rubbing in his face he had won twice at his stupid game

In fact, he was always winning anyway.

Edward could feel a headache creeping up as he wondered how one could remain sane while surrounded by so many Pagets, while William who was used to all of this, was feeling perfectly fine.

***

“It’s a lovely place, isn’t it!” exclaimed William as he sighed with contentment and took his sleeping bag out of the trunk of the car.

The scientist had decided he would sleep under the stars for the next two nights. He snatched his binoculars from his bag, stated he needed to find an Anser _brachyrhynchus_ and a _Branta ruficollis_ before nightfall and without further ado, simply vanished into the woods.

George and Mina were supposed to sleep in another tent, while Edward and Alfred were supposed to have their own.

Edward had stated they needed it for intimacy purpose; George rolled his eyes and warned them that they did not travel into the woods for them to have a love fest.

Since the taller Paget had lost the cow game, he decided it would be a good idea to have a competition to see who could set up his tent first.

He clearly did not know how to do his, as he opened the bag that contained all the parts of his tent and dropped them in a messy heap on the ground.

Mina took a sip of her water bottle just as the instruction manual of George’s tent was carried away by the wind.

“Good thing you’ll be able to check it online, because judging by what I am seeing now, you will both sleep on the ground tonight!” said Alfred as George pulled his tongue out at him and almost poked one of his eyes out with one of the tent poles.

“Pffff…Real men don’t need instructions. Right Drums?” he turned around to get the brunet’s approval, only to discover the latter was busy snogging his baby brother’s face off.“ I swear if you two kiss and rub your noses together once more, I’ll throw up. ”

Alfred gave him the finger before Edward pulled apart from his embrace and glared at George.

The brunet began to take the pieces of his tent out carefully while Alfred pulled out two folding bag chairs from the trunk, opened them, and placed them under the shade of a tree.

Mina promptly sat down and smiled graciously at her best friend—something that did not go unnoticed by George.

“Hey Mina, if you want to sleep in my tent, you better help me out!” George glared at the small blonde as he fumbled some more with the various parts of his tent.

Alfred glared back at him. “She’s not feeling well. Let her breathe.” He sat down on the second chair and began to massage her shoulders.

Edward raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend, as he pulled the instruction manual of their own tent out.

It looked way more complicated than he remembered. “Babe, I thought you were going to help me out with this.”

“Mina needs some company,” replied the blond with a smirk on his face.

“You mean you are too high maintenance for this,” muttered George in the background.

“He is,” agreed Edward with a fond smile as Mina snorted and Alfred looked offended.

***

After two hours, George had managed to do a relatively passable job with his tent, but Edward, still with his instructions in hand, was struggling to erect his.

In fact, he was so puzzled he did not spot his boyfriend walk towards him.

“Go sit with Mina, darling, I’ll manage.” The blond patted his boyfriend reassuringly on the shoulder, as George snorted in the background.

“If you manage to do this Plumpy, I’ll dye my hair in the color of your choice.”  George looked extremely doubtful—and so did Edward quite honestly.

Until Alfred really managed to put the tent up in a record time, that is.

George wasn’t laughing anymore. Mina was trying to get some service on her phone and was failing while Eward was gapping at how hot his boyfriend looked when he engaged in manual activities.

“Just dye it blue for my wedding Gege, it’ll go with my theme.”  Alfred smiled. “Who’s high maintenance now?”

***

When the tents were finally done, and their bags and blankets were set up for the night, the sun was already high up in the sky. It was beginning to get extremely hot both outside and inside our favorite couple’s tent, since Edward had been incredibly turned on by Alfred’s secret camping skills.

Alas, George had been promised they would go fishing and after waiting fifteen minutes for Edward to supposedly retrieve his sunglasses from his bag, decided to barge into his baby brother’s tent. It put an end to their make-out session.

William, who was back early from his search and had not been lucky enough to have found his rare birds, had joined our little group at the lake.

Both Edward and George were setting up their fishing rods, while Mina and Alfred were yet again sitting under the shade of a tree.

Alfred had brought his worn-out copy of the Iliad to read, while Mina was napping. She was exhausted, and the hot weather wasn’t helping her at all.

So far, Alfred had only managed to get to page 15, which wasn’t much really, but he was finding it extremely difficult to concentrate when Edward was standing there with nothing else but a white t-shirt and his camping shorts on.

In fact, was it getting hotter still or was it just him?

He tried to focus on his book once more, failed miserably, and decided to look at his big brother instead. “You should put some sunscreen on Gege. You know how we are prone to baking under the sun!”

George, whose skin was already turning a deep shade of red, shrugged. “Pfff I don’t need it. You have so much on your skin already you look like a ghost. I hate those sunglasses by the way.  Don’t buy me a pair.”

Alfred took a deep breath as Edward turned around and flashed him a nice smile. “You don’t want to try?”

“Handling squirming worms isn’t my thing,” replied the blond as he looked at him over the top of his sunglasses.

“Plumpy, stop telling lies. We all know you squirm for big worms,” added George with an exaggerated wink in Edward’s direction. The brunet blushed a bit and decided to focus his attention back to the lake.

The blond sighed and acted as though his brother had not even spoken at all. “Babe, turn a bit on the left.”

Edward stared at his boyfriend puzzlingly but did as he was told.

Mina yawned at that precise moment and blinked a couple of times before she remembered where she was. Alfred squeezed her hand, before he stared back at Edward’s lovely profile.

“Isn’t the scenery sublime, Alfred?”

“Heavenly, Mina!” He sighed with delight and winked suggestively at his boyfriend.  “I dare say the scenery is better on the left than on the right though!”

George gave him the finger and groaned while Edward blushed a bit more.

Every time the brunet turned around, he could see his boyfriend was intently staring at him.

In fact, he wasn’t just staring at him; he was unmistakably undressing him with his eyes. That made it harder to focus on his fishing, since he rather enjoyed the attention he was getting.

George kept babbling on about random things, while William was walking around knee deep in the mud with his magnifying lens in hand. He was searching for actual proof of the existence of one of the birds he was looking for.

The sun had now vanished behind thick black clouds, which was a bit of a relief for our fishermen.

No fish had caught their lines yet. Edward was clearly done with fishing and was more than ready to call it a day.

He was barely holding it together, honestly, because his boyfriend had pulled one of his drawing notebooks out of his purse—man bag—and was now sucking on the tip of his writing pen in an explicit manner.

Which was honestly way too distracting.

In fact, Edward was so distracted by it all that he tripped over a branch and fell ungracefully face first in the lake with a loud splash!

Obviously, George laughed his head off while William continued to pace around the lake, undisturbed.  Alfred rose up from his chair at once, as Edward coughed some water and to his growing horror, a tadpole.

Mina, who saw the whole scene, got up and put her hand over her mouth—the tadpole had grossed her out and in her already nauseous state she thought she was about to vomit for real.  Alfred was fretting over his boyfriend like a mama bear over her cub.

The two decided to head back to their camp, while George, Mina, and William decided to stay at the lake a little longer.

They had just arrived back to their campsite when the rolling of the thunder reverberated over their heads.

“I really don’t care for George, but I do hope William and Mina will be able to get under cover before the rain starts,” Alfred said as he zipped the door of their tent behind him.  “I think for your own safety, it would be best if you took off all of your wet clothes.”

Rain was now bucketing on the roof of their tent.

Edward raised an eyebrow at him. “For my safety?” He took his shirt off as he was told, while Alfred tilted his head on the side and let out an appreciative whistle at the sight of his boyfriend’s muscular torso. “I saw you with that pen, being all flirty and trying to get me all hot and bothered.”

“I hope it worked, because I am all hot and bothered right now,” said the blond as he quickly lay back down and pulled his boyfriend with him.

The two started kissing, Alfred grabbing Edward’s hand and running it feverishly along his body. He was already breathing heavily so he drove his left hand under the elastic band of his boyfriend’s camping shorts and firmly grabbed his butt as he pressed hard against the brunet. Edward pulled back and ran his fingertips against his boyfriend’s jawline before he began to nibble at his lip.  

“Someone is really in the mood,” said Edward as he repositioned himself better on top of his boyfriend who let out a big moan.

***

George and Mina had succeeded in getting back in their tent without being rained on, but it had been a close call. They were just getting some food out—Charlotte had packed food for the whole squad before they had left—when they both clearly heard an unmistakably loud moan coming from the other tent.

“PLUMPY WE CAN HEAR YOU MOAN FROM HERE. IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP THEY ARE GOING TO THROW US OUT,” George yelled while Mina rolled her eyes at him and grabbed some food to eat.

He frowned at the small blonde.“Are you really dipping sardines in yoghurt?”

“I am,” she shrugged. “Want some?” She handed him a sardine over. He grabbed it before he sighed once more. “Nothing better than eating weird food while all we can hear in the background is-” He cleared his throat and took an exuberantly loud high-pitched voice. “Oh yesss Edwaaaard yessss”

***

Back in the other tent, our favorite couple was wearing fewer clothes by the minute when they heard George mock Alfred. It made them freeze since it seemed they now had an audience, which absolutely wasn’t new to them.

“George you are just jealous,” Edward yelled back before he kissed Alfred and began to fidget with the buttons on his shorts.

“Go for a walk or something!” added Alfred as he helped Edward get rid of said shorts.

“I can’t you double idiots, it’s raining.”

“Well, enjoy the show, cause I’m going to make him scream way louder in a couple of minutes,” replied Edward as he began to lick and kiss his way down across his lover’s chest.

He was surprised George had not yelled something back yet when a loud crash was heard coming from outside.

It seemed George had forgotten to add some key parts to his tent and the weight of the rain had been enough to bring it down.

Mina and George rushed into our frantic lovers' tent at once to find shelter from the rain. Edward was still perched on top of Alfred as they both sighed and froze.

“Sorry but the fun is over guys.” George dropped his bag and his sleeping bag next to his little brother’s.

Mina looked apologetically at them, as Edward rolled down from Alfred and pulled some clothes back on.

 

Alfred did the same before he sighed and left the tent.

***

He had been sitting for a good fifteen minutes under the rain when William walked up to him and poked him on the arm.

“Are you looking for the mysterious _Anser_ _brachyrhynchus_ too?”

“No Lily, I am just chilling.” He smiled at his brother, before he got up and followed him back into the tent. “I needed to calm down before I commit a murder.”

***

The ambiance in the tent was pretty glum. It was clear William would have liked to go back outside to look for his bird, while Edward and Alfred definitively seemed angry their romantic little weekend wasn’t turning out as they had planned. Add to that the fact the tent was supposed to accommodate three people at most, and they were now five, and you have the perfect recipe for disaster.

“How about we play a game of ‘Never Have I Ever?’” Mina said; everyone looked at each other.

“We played countless times with our parents,” George replied before he looked at Drummond and a big smile spread onto his face. “We never played with Drums though. I’m curious to learn more about you, my dear future brother in law.”

Edward cocked an eyebrow at him. “What are the rules of that game?”

“You say something you’ve never done but whoever has must take a shot,” explained William, as George nodded.

Alfred looked at Mina. “I won’t drink alcohol though because I have a headache. I’ll stick to water.”

“I'll have water too,” chimed in Mina as William began to prepare both shots of alcohol and water. He placed the little glasses in the middle of their crammed little tent as they all sat in a circle.

Mina was on the right, with a blanket over her shoulders and a flashlight in her palm.

George was next to her, while William was sitting in front of him and Alfred and Edward were sitting in front of Mina.

Alfred was sitting in his boyfriend’s lap and he gave his older brother a warning look—he knew George liked to ask very dirty questions—before he turned his attention back to his best friend.

“Never have I ever flirted with someone when I knew they were taken,” began Mina. No one took a drink.

“Good. I wouldn’t want the spotless reputation of the Pagets to be spoiled by one of it’s new members.” George exclaimed as he pointedly looked at Edward.

“My turn then,” said William as he licked his lips and pushed his glasses back up his nose. “Never have I ever dated someone for more than a year.”

This time only Alfred took a drink and muttered “Dario Difabiosi” as he downed his water shot in one gulp.

Edward felt a little pang of jealousy in the pit of his stomach but tried to chase it away as it was Alfred’s turn to talk. “Never have I ever not ruined someone else’s vacation.”

Mina, William and Edward took a drink while George grabbed a glass and Alfred stared at him menacingly “Don’t you dare say you didn’t Gege! You make a point of ruining mine EVERY DAMN TIME.”

George rolled his eyes. “Yet you still end up coming with me anyway. I guess someone is not getting the hint!” he said as he pulled his tongue out at Alfred. “Your turn Drums. Think of something wild!”

“Never have I ever dyed my hair a crazy color,” said Edward, looking proud of himself.

“How scandalous!” mocked Mina as the three Pagets took a drink.

William smiled. “For pride five years ago, we all dyed our hair a different color of the rainbow. Mom had red, I had blue, Gege was green, Alf was purple, Dad had yellow, and Sept’s was orange.”

“It was glorious!” Mina added with a smile.

“My turn folks, prepare for a good one! Never have I ever had a one-night stand.”

“Pfffff George! Don’t tell me you never did,” Edward said, as he took a drink and saw only William was taking one as well.

Alfred raised an eyebrow at him, while George burst out laughing. “That’s a pretty interesting piece of info right there Drums. Might I be so bold as to ask how many times you did that?”

“Yeah, how many?” asked Alfred as he pulled back a bit from his lap and stared at him.

Edward sighed, “Six times.”

There definitively was a change in the air. Mina smiled and tried to change the mood by getting out the bag of pickle flavored chips Alfred had bought her earlier when they had stopped at a gas station.

Outside, the rain was still pouring, but at least the thunder had calmed down.

The little blonde grabbed a handful of chips and popped them into her mouth as William looked questioningly at her. “Never have I ever looked through someone else’s phone without their permission.”

William took yet another drink and so did Edward and George.

“Richard helped me scroll through yours Plumpy. Loved to see all the dick pics.”  The older Paget smirked while Edward clenched his jaw, and Alfred looked like he was about to murder him once more. “I’ve loved seeing all of those naughty pictures you took with your nerd glasses on too Drums.”

Alfred threw his pillow at his older brother, who ducked, while William poured some more alcohol into the growing amount of empty glasses that were in front of him.

“I scrolled through my coworkers’ phone once, because I was looking for the supposed picture he claimed he had taken of a very rare fish.”

Everyone nodded, because it made perfect sense.

”What about you Drums?”

“I-ehm… scrolled through Alfred’s,” the brunet said sheepishly as he scratched the back of his neck and avoided his boyfriend’s stare.

Frankly, Alfred really didn’t mind. George on the other hand wasn’t extremely happy to hear that. “Someone has trust issues.” He said as he looked strangely at Edward. After all, Alfred’s last ex had been a violent control freak.

“Never have I ever thought a friend's mom was hot,” said William, as George took a drink and shrugged.

“Brandon Templeton’s mom is hot. Fight me."

Edward looked around and was impressed to see that while George was always bragging and acting a bit recklessly, it was William who had drank the most shots so far. The scientist certainly had a wilder side to him then he could have ever suspected. He was feeling a bit tipsy himself and began to wonder if he should switch to water shots too. “Never have I ever been in love with my teacher in uni."

Both William and Alfred took a drink.

“You did?”

“No one can say Will Melbourne isn’t an attractive man,” Alfred replied casually, as he tried some of Mina’s chips.

The little blonde was now dipping hers in mustard and George was glancing weirdly at her.

Edward definitively felt more and more jealous by the minute. He should probably just stop playing this stupid game.

“Never have I ever given or received a lap dance,” continued George. He smirked while Mina rolled her eyes.

“You want me to believe you never did?” She took a drink and said, “Does it count if Alf gave me a lap dance as a joke?”

“Yep it does!” William chimed in as he took another drink too.

Edward stared at his fiancé. “So you took a drink because of Mina too?”

“No, and I won’t say more about this,” concluded the blond as he gulped down his own drink.

“One of his exes was a stripper,” said George before they all burst out laughing.

Well everyone except Edward, of course, who seemed to sober up instantly and pushed Alfred out of his lap. “I’ll go for a walk.” 

The brunet got up—rather shakily—as William followed suit, stating he wanted to look once more for his mysterious birds.

The two left the tent as Alfred stared darkly at his big brother, who shrugged innocently. “Thank you, George, for yet again ruining my life.”


	2. A broken nose and a broken heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George plays a nasty trick on Alfred, Mina spends her time going to the restroom and Drums is in dire need of some serious loving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Verpus maior means major dick in Latin.  
> Also, this chapter has not been checked by my beta. I really really hope it's not too bad. English is not my first language...

Barely two hours after Edward had stormed out of their tent, Mina was already asleep and snoring loudly in her corner.

George, who tried to be kind to his youngest brother since he felt a bit responsible for Edward’s meltdown, had given him more room to rest, but had been complaining for the last hour or so, because he felt stuck like an elephant in an elevator. Alfred wasn’t even hearing his complaints anymore and was rolling around in his sleeping bag, unable to sleep as he wondered what his ridiculous mess of a boyfriend was doing.

William had come back into the tent about half an hour ago. He had decided that sleeping outside wasn’t such a good idea after all. The grass was wet, and the stars were covered by thick clouds which made it impossible to gaze at them anyway.

Since the tent was way too small for four people, let alone five; the scientist was curled up against the door and George’s ugly feet were resting on his back while Mina was sleeping with her back against the left wall of the tent.

Alfred had given her his mat, so she could be more comfortable, and he was beginning to regret being such a gentleman because the spot where he was sleeping was full of little rocks and twigs. To make matters worse, he was literally freezing and would have been glad to have his boyfriend to keep him warm.

He shifted a bit and ended up stuck at a weird angle between William’s left leg and George’s right shoulder. He had just closed his eyes when George sneezed loudly—and snorted—, and his idiot of a boyfriend, finally back from his brooding, unzipped the tent’s door to get inside.

William greeted the latter first since Edward had to walk over him to get inside.

Alfred sighed and tried to look displeased as he stared at his boyfriend, which wasn’t easy when you were wrapped from head to toe in a sleeping bag and looked like an oversized caterpillar.

Edward scratched the back of his head and stared contritely at his boyfriend as he tried to sit down close to him without waking Mina up.

George rolled his eyes and rolled on his left side to give Edward some space before he shifted around once more and loudly unzipped his sleeping bag because he was beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic.

Alfred raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend, who shrugged and cleared his throat.

‟I’m sorry.” started Edward, as Alfred could feel his resolve already melting. ‟I could blame this on the fact that I took a couple of drinks and was a bit tipsy, but I won’t. I just really hate the idea of anyone being with you except myself.”

Alfred moved a bit to allow his boyfriend some room closer to him and began to toy with the zip of his sleeping bag. ‟Well, I’ve never hidden the fact that I have a past from you.” He shrugged.

George rolled back on his right side and glanced at them both with an amused look on his face. ‟What Plumpy really means by this is he used to be a slut with other men too.”

Both Edward and Alfred groaned as the latter tried to push his brother back on his left side. Sadly, it was to no avail, since George was way bigger than him. ‟Gege, can’t you please just shut up and go to sleep?”

‟Yeah Gege, that’s none of our business.” added William as Mina sighed too.

It seemed no one in this tent was sleeping anymore.

‟Thank you, Lili.” Alfred turned around and patted his bespectacled brother on the back lightly before he rolled back toward Edward to continue their argument.   ‟Now, babe, did I made a scene when you told us you had six one-nights?”

Edward smiled contritely and was about to reply something when George snorted. ‟Does this mean you literally had sex like six times at most before you started dating my brother?”

‟Or twelve.” William chimed in. ‟If you count two times per night.”

Edward sighed. ‟I’m not having this conversation with a third of your family listening to everything I have to say.” He pushed George, who rolled his eyes, as he snuck into Alfred’s sleeping bag. ‟ Let it be said I am stupid and I love you. Will you still marry me?”

‟Yes, you big idiot.” The blond snuggled into his boyfriend’s loving arms. ‟ Don’t you know I’m already yours until the end of time?” They kissed once, then twice and were quickly heading for thrice.

 It seemed this argument was over for now, which was a good thing seeing it was way past midnight.

George made a gagging sound. ‟And here we go for a sappy fest.” He groaned as our favorite couple exaggerated their kissing just to annoy him furthermore. ‟Why are you both so gay?”

‟It all has to do with genes, Gege. Recent studies have shown-”began William before Mina cut him off.  ‟I’m sorry to interrupt your explanation Will and I’m glad Drumfred has worked everything out until their next stupid argument, but I really need you to walk me to the restroom NOW Alf.”

***

Every two hours or so, Mina woke her best friend up to get to the restroom because she was too scared to go alone.  

It was a twenty minutes walk to get there and another twenty minutes to get back to the tent, which pretty much meant that they got to sleep barely more than an hour between each trip.

Every damn time Mina woke him up, Alfred had to sneak out of his boyfriend’s arms who after the third time, rolled closer to George —who was snoring so loudly it was a complete mystery anyone could get some sleep in the first place— and out of their shared sleeping bag, stating that dying from cold wasn’t as bad as dying from a lack of sleep.

When morning came, Alfred was sure he had barely slept more than four hours and groaned.

He was sure he looked like crap but for once he couldn’t care less about his appearance, which proved his level of annoyance for this stupid camping trip on which he should never had agreed to go in the first place.

So far it was proving to be the disaster he had expected it to be all along: no sleep, no fun, no sex and no rest from George’s annoying comments...

William, not feeling too bad himself, had unzipped the door of their tent and was looking outside.

The scenery was quite ordinary and everywhere Alfred looked, everything seemed wet and cold, which wasn’t one of his favorite combination.

The blond sat down and rubbed his eyes. ‟I feel like I’m dying and my back hurts.” William smiled at him as he whined. ‟ Something hard is poking me.”

George sighed loudly as he turned toward his baby brother but fell face to face with Edward’s sleeping form instead. He sat up too and  started squinting. His hair was sticking out in the back. ‟O-M-G Plumpy, can’t you please just shut up? It’s way too early for you to talk trash.”

‟Gege, really? I think YOU are the most dirty-minded out of us two.” The youngest Paget turned around and kicked his big brother in the shin. ‟That thing is way too small to be him and trust me I certainly wouldn’t complain if it was the case.” He smirked.

George cursed and threw his pillow at him, while William got up. ‟ We should get up and get the day going. I’ll go out and fix us something to eat.”

George groaned once more as he stretched, and his back made a weird popping noise. ‟Next time I want to go camping, remind me I’m too old for this junk.”

He got up and was careful not to disrupt Mina, who was curled up on her right side and was still peacefully sleeping. Edward, resting on his belly, was snoring loudly too and definitively did not look his best either with his curly hair somewhat curlier than usual due to the rain and the humidity and with some drool at the corner of his mouth.

Alfred glanced at him with complete adoration, while George rolled his eyes and gagged once more as the two left the tent to join William outside.

The morning air was freezing, but George, too manly to act as though he was cold, just crossed his arms over his chest and made fun of his baby brother who had gotten back inside the tent to steal his boyfriend’s overlarge hoodie to keep himself somewhat warmer.

Alfred pushed his big brother out of the way with his shoulder. ‟Don’t come crying to Mama if you catch a cold.”

‟You should know by now real men never get sick.” George pulled his tongue out at him as both looked for William.

The latter was trying to retrieve their cooler from underneath the collapsed tent.

‟No wonder you still only have your hand for company.” Alfred muttered under his breath as George frowned at him suspiciously.

‟ Hey Lili! Where’s the food?” George asked as Alfred went to the car to grab his scarf.  It was so cold, steam was coming out of his big brother’s mouth as he spoke.

As a reply, William cursed loudly.

Both Alfred and George looked at each other with surprise as William emerged from underneath the tent empty handed.

‟We are screwed. Animals have eaten everything Mama has sent us.” George began to curse loudly upon hearing the news as William shrugged and pushed his glasses farther up his nose. ‟I strongly suspect an _Ursus arctos_ is behind this.”

‟I’d say this is all because of a common _verpus maior_ ,” Alfred replied as George lunged at him and began to pull at his precious hair.

***

After a very frugal breakfast that consisted of stale pickles chips (it seemed Mina had not eaten the whole bag herself, after all) and three soaked up jam sandwiches split amongst them, Edward decided a shower would probably help him feel somewhat alive.

He walked to the restroom with Mina- who yet again needed to go pee—while George and Alfred, arguing once more, were supposed to get some food to help them get through the day at the campsite’s general store.

William, who was calmer than most of them and seemed more competent in those matters too, had said he would be just fine all by himself to light the fire at their camp.

Upon seeing the restroom for the first time, Edward was pretty sure taking a shower didn’t seem such a grand idea anymore.

The shower didn’t seem clean at all, the water smelled weirdly and there was a big fat frog staring at him in the corner of the room.

To add on top of that, the water was either too hot or too cold.

Feeling somewhat more awake but not in a better mood, he headed back to the camp with Mina in tow, just in time to see Alfred, back from getting some food, succeed in lighting their fire as William stared at him with amazement and George rolled his eyes and spat on the ground.

***

After lunch, George had decided to go back fishing to reaffirm his alpha male status, while Mina had decided to take an afternoon nap in their tent.

William was nowhere to be found and seemed to have vanished.

Without any doubt, he certainly was looking for a rare species of something somewhere in the wood, which left our favorite couple alone at last.

Since the tent was occupied by Mina, crushing Edward’s dream of getting some serious and well needed loving, they decided to head out for a quiet walk into the woods.

The sun was shinning, and birds were merrily chirping in the background as the two walked hand in hand. Upon reaching the river —and having checked George wasn’t fishing nearby—Edward suggested they sat by it’s side.

They both enjoyed a comfortable silence as Edward draped his arm over his boyfriend’s shoulders and pulled him close. Alfred got his shoes and his socks off and dipped his feet in the cold water.

‟I’m glad we can finally enjoy some alone time together. Your brothers are a bit much. Well, William is not so bad, but George is exhausting.”

Alfred smirked. ‟George is something. He really is. It’s a wonder my parents had us all after having him, honestly.” The blond hugged his boyfriend. ‟I hate him, and I love him to pieces too. Don’t tell him I told you that, because he won’t let me live it down.”

They kissed, and it finally seemed their disastrous day was beginning to improve.

Edward sighed happily. ‟I can’t believe I am finally having you all to myself.”

‟It reminds me of when we went to Scotland and you proposed.”

‟With more rain and less making out.” Edward added before he gave his boyfriend a suggestive look. ‟Seems like it’s been ages since I’ve seen you naked. How about we do some skinny dipping? The river seems pretty deep on this side…”

Alfred grinned at him before they both got rid of their clothes and jumped into the water.

***

They fooled around, kissing, splashing and cuddling in the water for a good part of the afternoon.

The water was cold, but since they were moving and having fun, it was bearable.

At one point, other campers had walked by, but hadn’t decided to join them, which had been a relief.

Some time later, Edward was holding his boyfriend in his arms in the water when he felt him shiver. He frowned. ‟Time to call it off, your lips are turning blue.”

Alfred raised an eyebrow at him and tilted his head on the side. ‟Guess you’ll need to warm me up before we head back to the camp.” He snorted before Edward grabbed him and carried him over his shoulder out of the river and carefully dropped him on the grass under the cover of the trees.

The blond’s skin was turning a nice shade of pink because of the sun and freckles had appeared at various places over his body.

Edward was in the process of kissing each freckle while Alfred was giggling and squirming under him, when they heard someone curse loudly to it’s heart content from upstream.

They both looked at each other and Edward was about to resume his kissing, when the cursing resumed more loudly and in Latin.

Alfred pulled back from Edward—who definitively was beginning to think their make-out session would yet again lead to nowhere— and frowned. ‟WILLIAM?”

‟ALFRED IS THAT YOU? I’VE LOST MY GLASSES. ” arose his brother’s reply from somewhere on their left.

Alfred sighed.  ”I was about to say here I come, but I guess I’ll need to postpone that.”

 

***

Alfred, now fully clothed and still wearing Edward’s hoodie even though the temperature had reached 30ºC outside, was still shivering because of their swimming, so Edward had stated he would be the one to dive in the river to find William’s glasses.

The latter was as blind as a bat without them and since he was supposed to drive them all back home the next day, it was imperative they retrieved them.

Sadly, after two hours of diving, William’s most precious possession was still nowhere to be found.

Edward felt chilled to the bone and was shivering as he sat close to the fire that Mina had taken care of while they were all away for the afternoon.

Alfred sat in his boyfriend’s lap and looked at him with concern, but Edward just shrugged it off, as they all listened to George’s improbable stories.

Mina had cooked them a decent meal with what Alfred had bought from the campsite's general store, which was welcomed by everyone.

Edward felt his throat was funny but decided to shrug it off.

Mina glanced at William. ‟I’m so sorry for your glasses, Will!”

The latter shrugged as he tried to grasp his food- and was using a branch as a fork.

George and Alfred glanced at each other but decided not to say anything.

Alfred tried to give Edward his hoodie back, but the latter was having none of it. He felt hotter now with the fire and he was positive his shivering would probably die out before long.

 After all, it was probably only caused because he had had a long day and was sleep deprived.

And sex deprived too, which in his opinion was even worse when your boyfriend was a hot blond who wore your oversized hoodie and was sitting on your lap and teasing you by grinding and brushing against a certain part of your anatomy subtly while regaling some members of his family with stories from work.

He zoned out for a while as William began to tell a story that was supposed to be scary but turned out incomprehensible because he was using a rather complex vocabulary.

Afterwards it was George’s turn to tell a scary story.

Alfred was forgetting to be a tease, which meant he was probably being scared by it and Edward was finally able to focus on the conversation.

Mina frowned at George. ‟Yes, but what was making that sound?”

George shrugged and tried to sound more dramatic. ‟We don’t know. The next day all that could be found of them was a phone and a shoelace.”

Alfred rolled his eyes. ‟Gege this is the lamest story I’ve ever heard.”  

Nonetheless, he glanced around nervously and scratched his nose while Mina began to tell a tale of her own.

***

It was three in the morning and Alfred was waiting for Mina to get out of the restroom —yet again—when he heard a weird sound coming from the woods.

He looked around and saw at once he was alone, because who in their right mind would be up at three anyway?

He looked at his phone —and saw his mom had sent him a cute picture of Princess—, when he heard the sound a second time.

George’s story crossed his mind.

He used his phone as a light and investigated the nearby woods.

His heart was pounding in his chest as he looked at some rustling leaves. He was thinking about how stupid he was, when something grabbed his shoulder and startled him.

It was too much and he let out a very unmanly blood curling scream since he was sure the creature from Gege’s story had materialised out of thin air with the only purpose to kill him.

He was just turning around to face the creature, when coming out of nowhere, a tall red-headed girl yelled and stroke the creature, which it turned out, was George—who was laughing so much he was crying— swiftly with the palm of her hand across his face.

A loud crack could be heard as George screamed loudly and blood poured out of his nose.

The girl was about to punch him again—this time aiming lower—, when Edward rushed at the scene and a white-faced Mina emerged from the restroom.

The latter was clutching at her belly. ‟I thought someone had died.”She exclaimed as she took in the scene.

George was on the ground, cursing and screaming his nose was broken, while Edward, out of breath was trying to soothe his boyfriend. The latter was shaking and was trying to stop the girl from hitting George once more.

‟Please stop! This is only my stupid brother.” Alfred smiled at her as he was still trying to calm down. His left hand was shaking.  ‟He’s a big idiot and I am tempted to let you hit him once more, but that wouldn’t be fair.”

‟I am tempted to see you do it too, honestly.” Edward replied as he tried to steady himself too. He wasn’t feeling well either.

George cursed yet again but kept glancing at the girl while he was rubbing his nose and bleeding everywhere.

‟He’s a big idiot indeed. My fist hurts a bit.” The girl gave George a dark look, before she held her hand out to Alfred. ‟I’m Riley Kelly. ”

‟Alfred Paget. This is my fiancé Edward Drummond. That big dumbass cursing like a sailor is my oldest brother George and here is my best friend Wilhelmina Coke. ”They all shook hands. ‟ I love your hair by the way.”

Riley looked pleased. ‟I like yours too.”She smiled one last time before she turned around and waved at them. ‟ I’ll head back to my camp. It was nice meeting you all. Except George, of course.”

Alfred sighed and waved back as Mina grabbed his arm and George finally managed to get up.

‟I think my beautiful nose is broken. ” He sighed, ‟and my heart too.”

Mina slapped the oldest Paget behind the head before they all headed back to their campsite.

***

First thing in the morning, they packed their stuff and got into the car. George’s nose was three times its usual size and Edward was boiling with fever.

Since William still wasn’t seeing a thing and Mina wasn’t feeling well enough to drive, Alfred took matters into his own hands.

He sat up front in the car with Mina while the others sat on the backseat.

George was finishing his silent prayer when Alfred turned the keys in the ignition.

‟Buckle up guys. Here we go!” Alfred said before he put his sunglasses on, turned the music up and firmly grabbed the steering wheel.

William sighed in the back seat and shook his head with disbelief. ‟Papa is going to kill me.”

‟Cheer up Lili, Plumpy will probably kill us all first.” George replied, as he readjusted the ice bag he was holding against his nose.

The thing was Alfred was in fact a good driver.

The only problem with his driving was that he liked speed a bit too much.

He literally was zooming on the highway, illegaly passing cars and taking wide crazy turns every now and then. Mina was clenching at her seat belt so hard, her knuckles were turning white.

In the back seat, William couldn’t see a thing, which was a blessing, honestly, and was dozing against the window while Edward was sure he was dying. He complained and sneezed so much, Mina claimed he was giving her a headache.

George, on the other hand, was whining about his nose and was trying to find Riley on Facebook. He scrolled on his phone with his right hand and cursed occasionally when he looked outside his own window.

‟There are tons of Riley Kelly on Facebook.”  He sighed. ‟I need to find her.”

Alfred looked at his brother via the rear-view mirror and shrugged. ‟Look through my friends list Gege. She’s already on there.”He scratched his nose before he focused back on the road.

‟She punched me merely six hours ago and now she’s on your friends list.” George smirked. ‟Thank you for being such a chick magnet, Plumpy.”

Alfred smirked back and looked at him from over the top of his sunglasses.  He was pretty confident he would get to see Riley again soon.

***

Finally, they managed to get back home alive.

Charlotte, who had been waiting at their house with Princess, had sworn she wouldn’t tell Henry Alfred had driven the car if George and William did not tell their papa she was the one who would be driving the car back home —a prospect that did not seem to please either of them at all.

Charlotte was in fact the worst driver of the family.  She even drove faster than Alfred —which was a rare feat, honestly—as she listened to old boring songs on the radio.

George had even texted Alfred during the trip saying he loved him, was sorry he saw all the dick pics on his phone and was giving him all his belongings as his last will.

Mina snorted upon hearing the news and quickly went upstairs to do her laundry, while Edward had gone in their bedroom to get some rest.

He was still boiling with fever and Princess was curled up at the foot of their bed to keep him company when Alfred got into the room, carrying a bowl of soup, a chocolate pudding and some medicine for his favorite patient.

The brunet promptly ate two spoonfuls of soup and one of pudding before he took his medicine, grimacing at it’s bitter taste.

‟Thang you very buch.” Edward replied before he sneezed three times, sighed and closed his eyes. ‟ I love you.”

Alfred kissed his forehead and looked at him fondly ‟I love you more.”

His boyfriend was already sleeping and snoring when Alfred left the room with Princess on his heels.

He smiled as he closed the door behind them.

Camping was definitively out of their plans for at least a good 30 years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and kudos are LIFE! :)


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